It's hard to believe that it's been eleven months. Three hundred and thirty five days. Eight thousand thirty six hours. Time has stood still. Time has marched on. Time has flown by. It seems unreal that my son should be eleven months old. He should be here in Cleveland with us this weekend for his uncle … Continue reading Eleven Months.
Alexander, my sweet boy: You, my son, are the one. From the moment I saw those two lines on the pregnancy test, I couldn't wait to meet you. You were so wanted. You were prayed for. You made me a mother. You changed me and you changed my world. I love the memories I have … Continue reading Mother’s Day: A Letter to My Son.
I'm taking it slow this morning. I slept in until about 9, went downstairs and grabbed a cup of coffee and my laptop, and came back upstairs to the nursery to spend some time remembering Alexander and writing. Ten months. It feels like it's getting harder and harder to imagine what our life should be like. As … Continue reading Ten Months.
There are some things in this life that I really wish I never had to learn: ...that 1 in 160 pregnancies result in stillbirth (23,600 each year in the United States). ...that organizations like Molly Bears exist to help provide comfort to grieving parents. ...what it is like to leave the maternity ward empty handed. ...the pain … Continue reading International Bereaved Mother’s Day.
I'm not sure exactly when or how it happened. It happened slowly, over days, weeks, and months. It also happened quickly, as though someone flipped a switch and turned on the lights in a dark room I had been sitting in. It happened as though after months of being supported by a ventilator, it was … Continue reading Breathing Again.
I often wonder what it would be like. What would our lives be like if Alexander were here? What would it be like if instead of grieving the loss of our first and only son and navigating a world full of secondary losses, we were learning more each day about parenting a nine-month-old little boy? Oh, … Continue reading Nine Months.
I've been a little quieter on the blogging front lately. (#SorryNotSorry) Some of that quietness is trying to navigate day to day life. Some of it is trying to engage in face-to-face conversations about grief with friends. Some of it is just a lack of words for what I've been experiencing. I remember early on … Continue reading Secondary Losses.