It's been two months since the last time I wrote. My thirty third birthday, Thanksgiving, and the start of the holiday season--our second without Alexander--have all made their appearances. December is here again. The ninth of the month is here again. Seventeen months. I remember a friend saying to me soon after losing Alexander that … Continue reading Seventeen Months.
I have thought about him since the moment I woke up this morning. October 9. Fifteen months since we held him. One year since we held his memorial service. Today is Alexander's day. Oh, that sweet boy. A dear friend reminded me tonight of something I said at some point this year: "I thought I … Continue reading Fifteen Months.
Last summer, after we came home from the hospital without our son in our arms, the song The Eye of the Storm by Ryan Stevenson was playing just about non-stop on Christian radio stations. Every time I heard that song, I would break down in tears. Alexander would be fourteen months old today. This morning, … Continue reading Fourteen Months.
As I got ready for bed last night, I was overcome by overwhelming feelings. Deep sadness. Profound gratitude. Unfathomable unknowing. Fear. Frustration. Anger. Love. What in the world? And then, I picked up my phone to set an alarm for this morning and I saw it. It was just after midnight, and it was right … Continue reading Thirteen Months.
This day should be so different. Every day should be so different. Today is Alexander's first birthday. Today it has been one year since we last saw and held our sweet boy. One year since we marveled at his long fingers and big feet. One year since we whispered over and over again: "I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm … Continue reading Today Alexander Is One.
July 4. Independence Day. It's the day on which we celebrate the great freedom of living in the United States. It's the day we celebrate my in-laws' wedding anniversary and the birthdays of several friends. It's a holiday filled with joyful celebrations, parties, cookouts, and fireworks. And it's the day that will forever remind me of … Continue reading Day 365.
It's hard to believe that it's been eleven months. Three hundred and thirty five days. Eight thousand thirty six hours. Time has stood still. Time has marched on. Time has flown by. It seems unreal that my son should be eleven months old. He should be here in Cleveland with us this weekend for his uncle … Continue reading Eleven Months.