Thirteen Months.

As I got ready for bed last night, I was overcome by overwhelming feelings. Deep sadness. Profound gratitude. Unfathomable unknowing. Fear. Frustration. Anger. Love. What in the world? And then, I picked up my phone to set an alarm for this morning and I saw it. It was just after midnight, and it was right … Continue reading Thirteen Months.

Today Alexander Is One.

This day should be so different. Every day should be so different. Today is Alexander's first birthday. Today it has been one year since we last saw and held our sweet boy. One year since we marveled at his long fingers and big feet. One year since we whispered over and over again: "I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm … Continue reading Today Alexander Is One.

Day 365.

July 4. Independence Day. It's the day on which we celebrate the great freedom of living in the United States. It's the day we celebrate my in-laws' wedding anniversary and the birthdays of several friends. It's a holiday filled with joyful celebrations, parties, cookouts, and fireworks. And it's the day that will forever remind me of … Continue reading Day 365.

Eleven Months.

It's hard to believe that it's been eleven months. Three hundred and thirty five days. Eight thousand thirty six hours. Time has stood still. Time has marched on. Time has flown by. It seems unreal that my son should be eleven months old. He should be here in Cleveland with us this weekend for his uncle … Continue reading Eleven Months.

June 4.

I have a love-hate relationship with Facebook these days. Actually, if I'm being honest, I've become pretty ambivalent about social media on the whole, mostly due to the fact that I have very little control when scrolling through social media over when I will or will not see something that triggers my grief. So, the … Continue reading June 4.

Mother’s Day: A Letter to My Son.

Alexander, my sweet boy: You, my son, are the one. From the moment I saw those two lines on the pregnancy test, I couldn't wait to meet you. You were so wanted. You were prayed for. You made me a mother. You changed me and you changed my world. I love the memories I have … Continue reading Mother’s Day: A Letter to My Son.

Ten Months.

I'm taking it slow this morning. I slept in until about 9, went downstairs and grabbed a cup of coffee and my laptop, and came back upstairs to the nursery to spend some time remembering Alexander and writing. Ten months. It feels like it's getting harder and harder to imagine what our life should be like. As … Continue reading Ten Months.