There Are No Easy Answers.

True confession: I used to be an easy answer person. I used to think that I could handle things on my own. I used to believe things like "God won't give you more than you can handle." I used to think that life's most difficult questions had simple answers. "Well, we live in a broken world." "It must be … Continue reading There Are No Easy Answers.

Family Photos.

There are lots of traditions around the holidays. Big things. Little things. Family things. Friend things. November and December are months that are rich with traditions that center around families, friends, and relationships. It just is what it is. It's part of the season, right? One of the traditions among our family, and especially Scott's … Continue reading Family Photos.

All The Things I Wish I Had Written.

I've always been a writer. Not always a consistent writer, but a writer nonetheless. I have boxes and boxes of half-filled journals starting from middle school when I had a "locking" diary sporting a cute kitten on the front of it, all the way up to several years of my current favorite Moleskine cahier journals that have … Continue reading All The Things I Wish I Had Written.

An Empty Room Full of Love.

On July 5, after finding out that Alexander no longer had a heartbeat, Scott and I were sent home to wait for a phone call telling us it was time to head to the hospital. I remember coming home, curling up on the couch together, and just staring at the wall. What do you do … Continue reading An Empty Room Full of Love.

Sorry Not Sorry.

The past week has been hard. I have cried. A lot. This is the reality of child loss, and of grief, and of trying to find a new normal during a season of life where nothing--nothing--feels normal anymore. Because life isn't how it should be. There is no fixing this. Losing Alexander will not ever be … Continue reading Sorry Not Sorry.

It’s not okay.

It's not okay. It's not okay that my beautiful son Alexander isn't here in my arms. It's not okay that we had to hear those words that forever split our lives and our hearts in two: "I'm sorry, but there is no heartbeat." It's not okay that I can no longer remember events in days, … Continue reading It’s not okay.