Double Rainbows.

We're pregnant.* It feels like this sort of announcement deserves an asterisk. So, if you've found your way here from facebook or instagram or elsewhere, here goes nothing: It is with cautious optimism, much fear, and a healthy dose of hope, that Scott and I announced this morning that we are expecting our "rainbow" babies … Continue reading Double Rainbows.


Eighteen Months.

A year and a half. Eighteen months. Five hundred fifty days. Thirteen thousand two hundred hours. Seven hundred ninety two thousand minutes. If you ever wonder what it is like to have lost a child, look at those numbers. And then imagine every single one of those moments--every second--filled with the void of a missing … Continue reading Eighteen Months.

Hopes and Fears of all the Years.

I used to love New Years. Reflecting on the past year. Setting ambitious goals for the new year. Turning over to a fresh start on a new calendar. It all felt so empowering. It was exciting. Infinite potential. Blank canvases. Opportunity. But all of that is different now. Like so much else in my life, … Continue reading Hopes and Fears of all the Years.

Seventeen Months.

It's been two months since the last time I wrote. My thirty third birthday, Thanksgiving, and the start of the holiday season--our second without Alexander--have all made their appearances. December is here again. The ninth of the month is here again. Seventeen months. I remember a friend saying to me soon after losing Alexander that … Continue reading Seventeen Months.

Fifteen Months.

I have thought about him since the moment I woke up this morning. October 9. Fifteen months since we held him. One year since we held his memorial service. Today is Alexander's day. Oh, that sweet boy. A dear friend reminded me tonight of something I said at some point this year: "I thought I … Continue reading Fifteen Months.

October, Fall, and PAIL Awareness

The weather is breaking in southwest Ohio. Leaves are starting to turn and there is a crispness to the air. Flannel shirts, pumpkin spice¬†everything, and pumpkins and gourds are everywhere. Despite the fact that last Sunday, we spent the third official day of autumn sitting poolside and sunning ourselves, and as I cling tightly to … Continue reading October, Fall, and PAIL Awareness