Ten Months.

I'm taking it slow this morning. I slept in until about 9, went downstairs and grabbed a cup of coffee and my laptop, and came back upstairs to the nursery to spend some time remembering Alexander and writing. Ten months. It feels like it's getting harder and harder to imagine what our life should be like. As … Continue reading Ten Months.

International Bereaved Mother’s Day.

There are some things in this life that I really wish I never had to learn: ...that 1 in 160 pregnancies result in stillbirth (23,600 each year in the United States). ...that organizations like Molly Bears exist to help provide comfort to grieving parents. ...what it is like to leave the maternity ward empty handed. ...the pain … Continue reading International Bereaved Mother’s Day.

Breathing Again.

I'm not sure exactly when or how it happened. It happened slowly, over days, weeks, and months. It also happened quickly, as though someone flipped a switch and turned on the lights in a dark room I had been sitting in. It happened as though after months of being supported by a ventilator, it was … Continue reading Breathing Again.

Nine Months.

I often wonder what it would be like. What would our lives be like if Alexander were here? What would it be like if instead of grieving the loss of our first and only son and navigating a world full of secondary losses, we were learning more each day about parenting a nine-month-old little boy? Oh, … Continue reading Nine Months.

Secondary Losses.

I've been a little quieter on the blogging front lately. (#SorryNotSorry) Some of that quietness is trying to navigate day to day life. Some of it is trying to engage in face-to-face conversations about grief with friends. Some of it is just a lack of words for what I've been experiencing. I remember early on … Continue reading Secondary Losses.

Eight Months.

I don't think it's a surprise to people that the past week has been difficult. I have heard over and over again that grief comes in waves. Well, if that is the case, then the past week has felt like having my head plunged back below the surface. Milestones are hard. Today, my head is feeling … Continue reading Eight Months.

The Worst Kind of Math.

It's a relatively little known fact that this youth ministry professional spent enough time in undergrad as a math education major that I finished undergrad with a major in religious studies and minors in both recreational ministry and mathematics. That's right: a religious studies major with a mathematics minor. It seems almost contradictory. Like one doesn't belong with … Continue reading The Worst Kind of Math.