I often wonder what it would be like. What would our lives be like if Alexander were here? What would it be like if instead of grieving the loss of our first and only son and navigating a world full of secondary losses, we were learning more each day about parenting a nine-month-old little boy? Oh, … Continue reading Nine Months.
I've been a little quieter on the blogging front lately. (#SorryNotSorry) Some of that quietness is trying to navigate day to day life. Some of it is trying to engage in face-to-face conversations about grief with friends. Some of it is just a lack of words for what I've been experiencing. I remember early on … Continue reading Secondary Losses.
I don't think it's a surprise to people that the past week has been difficult. I have heard over and over again that grief comes in waves. Well, if that is the case, then the past week has felt like having my head plunged back below the surface. Milestones are hard. Today, my head is feeling … Continue reading Eight Months.
It's a relatively little known fact that this youth ministry professional spent enough time in undergrad as a math education major that I finished undergrad with a major in religious studies and minors in both recreational ministry and mathematics. That's right: a religious studies major with a mathematics minor. It seems almost contradictory. Like one doesn't belong with … Continue reading The Worst Kind of Math.
There are a lot of things in my house and in my life that have stories to tell. I hold onto things. I keep them around as reminders. I have post-it notes with encouraging things written on them all over my desk at work. I have scraps of string and yarn from retreats and conferences. … Continue reading The Shirt.
Thirty four Tuesdays. Thirty four Wednesdays. Thirty four Thursdays. This week is the thirty fourth week since we found out that Alexander's heart was no longer beating. The thirty fourth week since we spent days in the hospital waiting for him to be born. The thirty fourth week since we held that sweet boy in our … Continue reading Thirty Four.
The day we found out Alexander's heart wasn't beating--the day we received the most devastating news of our entire lives--was a Tuesday. In many ways, my life since then has been measured in Tuesdays. For weeks, and even months, after we lost Alexander, Tuesdays were difficult. The most difficult. Every Tuesday felt like I was reliving … Continue reading This is Tuesday.