Eleven Months.

It's hard to believe that it's been eleven months. Three hundred and thirty five days. Eight thousand thirty six hours. Time has stood still. Time has marched on. Time has flown by. It seems unreal that my son should be eleven months old. He should be here in Cleveland with us this weekend for his uncle … Continue reading Eleven Months.

That’s My Son.

Yesterday, I spent the day on what has become one of my favorite middle school ministry events every year: our annual middle school mystery road trip. Here's how it works: students sign up, not knowing what we will be doing throughout the day or where we will be going. I spend weeks and months planning a … Continue reading That’s My Son.

June 4.

I have a love-hate relationship with Facebook these days. Actually, if I'm being honest, I've become pretty ambivalent about social media on the whole, mostly due to the fact that I have very little control when scrolling through social media over when I will or will not see something that triggers my grief. So, the … Continue reading June 4.

Mother’s Day: A Letter to My Son.

Alexander, my sweet boy: You, my son, are the one. From the moment I saw those two lines on the pregnancy test, I couldn't wait to meet you. You were so wanted. You were prayed for. You made me a mother. You changed me and you changed my world. I love the memories I have … Continue reading Mother’s Day: A Letter to My Son.

Ten Months.

I'm taking it slow this morning. I slept in until about 9, went downstairs and grabbed a cup of coffee and my laptop, and came back upstairs to the nursery to spend some time remembering Alexander and writing. Ten months. It feels like it's getting harder and harder to imagine what our life should be like. As … Continue reading Ten Months.

International Bereaved Mother’s Day.

There are some things in this life that I really wish I never had to learn: ...that 1 in 160 pregnancies result in stillbirth (23,600 each year in the United States). ...that organizations like Molly Bears exist to help provide comfort to grieving parents. ...what it is like to leave the maternity ward empty handed. ...the pain … Continue reading International Bereaved Mother’s Day.

Breathing Again.

I'm not sure exactly when or how it happened. It happened slowly, over days, weeks, and months. It also happened quickly, as though someone flipped a switch and turned on the lights in a dark room I had been sitting in. It happened as though after months of being supported by a ventilator, it was … Continue reading Breathing Again.