This day should be so different. Every day should be so different.

Today is Alexander’s first birthday.

Today it has been one year since we last saw and held our sweet boy. One year since we marveled at his long fingers and big feet. One year since we whispered over and over again:

“I’m sorry. I’m sorry. I’m so sorry.” 

“I love you. I love you. I love you.”

We’ve spent a lot of time, conversations, and tears trying to decide what to do with this day this year. We want to honor Alexander and remember and reflect on this past year. Let me tell you: it’s so hard to figure out what is right when this whole situation is so not right.

Even this morning as I woke up, I couldn’t even wrap my head around what this day might look like.

For now, this is what I do know:

We love Alexander so much. As much as a human heart can love.

We miss Alexander so much. We feel the absence of his presence here with us constantly.

Over and over again: We love him. We love him. We love him. We miss him. We miss him. We miss him.

However we spend this day, our hope is this: Whatever we do, we will hold that sweet boy close in our hearts. We will honor and remember our parenthood that looks so different than the many parents around us. Above all, we will remember and honor Alexander and reflect on the impact of his brief life.

Thank you to those who have commented, texted, called, messaged, dropped off gifts, sent cards, hugged, laughed with us, cried with us, and just been present over the course of this past week and especially over the past year. Thank you for those who have been so consistent in remembering milestone days and so patient as we put one foot in front of the other and continue to live into a new normal and changed lives.

Today, we invite you to join us in taking some time to think about Alexander today. We will certainly be thinking about him.

Say his name. Read the story behind his name.

Light a candle or watch the sunset.

Wear, share, or request an Alexander wristband. Send, post, or share a picture of it on your wrist.

Do something kind for a friend. Or a stranger.

If you want to ask how we’re doing, ask how we’re doing.

Try doing something new or fun or adventurous.

Enjoy the precious moments you have with your heart beating and your lungs filling with air.

I know that we will never know the impact or reach of our sweet Alexander’s life and story, but especially on these milestone days, it brings us some comfort and peace in knowing that others are remembering him and thinking about him as well.

Happy first birthday in heaven, my sweet son.

Today, we honor and remember you.

Today, like every day, you are loved.

You are loved.

You are loved.

You are loved.


4 thoughts on “Today Alexander Is One.

  1. Thinking and praying for you, Scott and precious little Alexander. Sending our love always. Happy birthday Alexander!


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