After Scott and I both cried during a daytime TV Huggies commercial (and then said some not-so-nice things to Huggies through the TV) during our second day home from the hospital, we decided that it would be better for us to stick to Netflix for awhile.

In the weeks since, we’ve worked binge-watched our way through several Netflix original series–thank you, Limitless and Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt. We’ve appreciated the opportunity to suspend reality and even laugh a little in the midst of a very heavy season.

Most recently, I’ve been binge-watching my way through a couple seasons of HGTV’s Fixer Upper. I love watching Chip and Joanna interact with each other. Besides that, though, every episode is essentially exactly the same: meet the clients, show three houses (one of which is usually a complete dump), fix up whichever house the clients choose, then reveal a beautiful new home with a white kitchen and a rustic yet modern interior.

At the end of every episode, when they do the big reveal and Joanna cheerfully asks, “Okay, are y’all ready to see your fixer upper?” the couple always opens their eyes to first find a giant canvas picture of the “before” house. Then, they have a short conversation about how they want the couple to see and remember what everything looked like before so that they can truly appreciate the transformation that has taken place.

Before and after.

Watching Fixer Upper has had me reflecting a lot on how I now experience the passage of time. In many ways, it’s the same as the reveal they do in every episode.

Before and after.

I imagine that the couples and families who have these home renovations done can hardly remember the “before” once they see their new home.

Before and after.

It seems like these days I can hardly remember things in days, weeks, or months. I simply find myself thinking in terms of before and after.

Oh, the last time we went there was before.

We haven’t done that since.

My calendar has suddenly become very simple, broken into two periods of time.

Before July 5, when we found out Alexander’s heart was no longer beating, and after July 9, when Alexander was born into heaven. And there’s a period of days in there that I hardly even remember.

In a lot of ways, my life feels like Fixer Upper, but in reverse.

You can read more about the before and after of grief in this article from Still Standing Magazine.


2 thoughts on “Fixer Upper.

  1. Diaper commercials are the absolute worst. Netflix is a God send. The before and after analogy is painfully true. Thinking of you mama.💗


  2. Your reflection mae me think of the song “Beautiful Things” for some reason. God does make beautiful things, even out of dust. Kinda like how Chip and Jo make beautiful houses out of dumps I guess.


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